Cynthia (cindylou07) wrote,
Cynthia
cindylou07

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LJ Idol Topic 5: Bearing False Witness

I used to be religious. If you know me in person, I understand why you’re laughing right now. But it’s true. I used to go to church every Sunday (and Wednesday for that matter), did all the mission trips, the praying, the bible study, blah blah blah. I always thought that the Ten Commandments were pretty decent guidelines to living a good life. While I’ve recently decided that Christianity and I should go our separate ways, I still respect anyone who chooses to practice it. As long as you practice what you preach. My best friend from church while growing up was a girl named J. My family didn’t go to church so I always kind of envied the fact that hers did. I would cling to them, trying to blend in and not be the girl who had to catch a ride on Sundays. The problem with all this was J’s parents were incredibly fake. They talked all the Christian talk, served as church deacons and tithed every Sunday. But they were also perfectly content with sitting back and judging people the other six days of the week. And by people I mean mostly me. They hated that my parents weren’t church goers. They never bothered to learn that my parents were in fact very decent people who believed in God but had to work on Sundays. They also hated that my family didn’t have any money. And they REALLY hated that their precious daughter associated with the likes of me. In my young and naïve mind, I figured as long as J didn’t turn into her parents, we could make it as friends. When high school came, her parents decided she would be attending private school. We began to grow apart a little but still saw each other at church. I began seeing changes in J…she was becoming just like her parents, much to my disappointment. At high school graduation she supported the idea her parents had of having two separate graduation parties, one for her high school friends and one for her “other friends.” When we went to college, things only got worse. She went to a private college and pretty much stopped talking to me. As I began to grow up more and start questioning things and deciding what I believed, I really couldn’t accept that this was how Christian people acted. I thought Christianity was about love and compassion and acceptance. I knew that all Christians weren’t like J's family but for as long as I could remember, they were what came to mind when I pictured the perfect Christian family.

J ended up marrying a college class mate from her superior private university. I wasn’t invited to the wedding. When my brother was killed earlier this year, I was shocked when J announced that she would be flying in for his funeral. We really hadn’t spoken in so long and I thought it was an incredibly kind gesture for her to drop everything and buy a plane ticket for her AND her infant daughter so she could come support me and my family. Knowing their family I should have figured there was more to it. J’s mom showed up unannounced to see her granddaughter. She and J never said a word to me the whole time.

In the weeks after the funeral, I started to really ponder the whole situation with J and her family. Sometimes when I think about how unconventional I may be to some people, it worries me. I’m a liberal agnostic with too many tattoos and no desire to have kids or a family. I think about how people might conceive me. But I really would rather be true to myself and know that I am a good and compassionate person, then to be a Christian who bears false witness by judging and condemning others. If it’s all true and God has the final judgment, I am pretty sure J and her family won’t pass that test.

***This has been my entry for Week 5 of therealljidol. Thanks for reading and if you liked my entry, voting will be open at the beginning of next week.
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  • (no subject)

    There's quite a few folks out there who have added me as a friend in the past week or so...I don't mind new friends at all but please comment…

  • (no subject)

    Cleaned up the friends list a bit. I feel like there are some people I just wasn't connecting with. And a few that I was continually reaching out to…

  • (no subject)

    Small side note: If you added me from an add me community (or other community for that matter) and didn't leave a comment there, please comment on my…