Prior to March 2nd 2009, I took very little time to enjoy simple things. The thought of waking up to watch the sun rise sounded like the lamest idea possible. I never enjoyed a sun set or took time to look at the stars. The morning of March 2nd, though, my whole life changed. When I flung my front door open to the incessant knocking, the last thing I expected to see was them. Two uniformed Army soldiers, just like in the movies. I can’t imagine a more terrible job; to go to people’s homes and destroy their lives by announcing the death of their loved one in war. My little brother, Jeffrey, had been killed by a grenade attack on his convoy in Iraq. He was supposed to be home in less than three weeks. It was like the sickest joke anyone could have come up with.
It’s only been nine months but sometimes I feel like that day was yesterday. The plans after a death are so quick that there really is no time to process it. After Jeff’s funeral, I began to really struggle. I had done the good daughter thing by organizing and planning everything so my poor parents didn’t have to. But then my whole life turned to darkness. They say that time heals all wounds but sometimes I am SO tired of waiting. It’s already been a long road but I am slowly getting there. Good days or bad, one thing that helps me is to slow down and enjoy those simple things. Last week, I went outside on a really clear night and stood in the middle of the field next to my apartment building. I don’t know how much time passed while I was out there looking at the stars but I know it’s the closest I’ve been to Jeff since the last time I was able to hug him almost two years ago.
I miss Jeff every day, more than I can put into words. I know I can cry and be bitter or I can do whatever it takes to feel as close to him as I can. I think next time I need one of those moments, I’ll watch the sunrise.
**This has been my entry for therealljidol. If you like what you've read, voting will open up at the end of the week. Thank you for your support.